It seems crazy to me how fast my first week flew by, and it’s even crazier knowing how much knowledge was thrown at me full force.
I won’t lie, last Tuesday I had a 24 hour flu and I was just about ready to throw in the towel. How come I had to get and feel so sick the SECOND day of school? I thought that it must have been divine intervention that maybe I wasn’t supposed to be there. I went to classes that day (against my better judgement) and couldn’t follow a single word.
Over the next few days I felt like crying because I was frustrated and I was mad because I wanted to actually learn. I spent years prepping for this, and it was all slipping away. It felt as if everyone was surpassing me and that there was some secret that I wasn’t allowed to know. I was trying to find a recipe for success and it just didn’t taste right each time I tried out something new. When it came around for my first anatomy cadaver lab, I was defeated. One of the things my professor said really struck a note with me,
“Failure here is not an option. If you fail here, you fail not only yourself…but let’s be honest, you fail your family, your friends, and anyone who believed in you.”
I’m not sure what chemical synapse went off in my brain, but at that moment my entire attitude shifted. I CAN do this. I WILL not fail. It’s like my entire psyche decided to cue cheesy “protagonist trains for big fight” music. I’m not a fan of cliches, but my life was pretty much one big sports movie. (Side note: My favorite one is Remember the Titans)
Since then I’ve come to realize that I know a lot more than I actually do and I just have to give things time to sink it. What I’d tell other people about to entire medical school is to NOT tell yourself that you’ll have the entire Grey’s anatomy memorized in a mere 16 week term. It’s impossible. No doctor on this earth knows every single bone and every single vein. Focus on big picture and find that core group of people you can trust. I’m really glad I did.
Prepping for the first exam!